Don't react

So, we ordered another copy of What You Can Do Right Now to Help Your Child With Autism (hereafter referred to as WYC) by Jonathan Levy, since we loaned ours out and it hasn't come back yet.

In re-reading it, I was surprised at the information I remembered and the information I'd forgotten or put at a low priority. #1 on his list, for example, isn't eye contact. It's summed up in the title of the chapter: Don't React.

Let me see if I can explain this as well as he can and in a smaller space. When a kid does something, it often gets a reaction from us. If it's something positive, we may get very excited. We may not. But if it's something negative, we always have a big reaction (compared to our usual reactions). Sometimes these reactions can be funny in a "just got hit on the foot with a hammer" kind of way.

Why is this important? Kids in the spectrum have very little control over their lives, even less most of the time than "normal" kids for many reasons. There are several ways kids in the spectrum handle this lack of control. One way is to cling to structure. Another way is to change their environment. Getting a parent to react is definitely a change in the environment and gives the kid a measure of control, especially if the parent looks like a cartoon character in the process.

So, if you want to stop a behavior, don't react. It's a huge attitude adjustment, but it definitely works.

How do I know? I started doing that this Friday. I'll try to remember to blog about the results at the end of the week. BTW, it's not like I haven't been doing this. I'd just forgotten how important it is.

It is also important to remember the other half: make sure your reactions to positive behavior are strong and big (compared to your normal reactions). In other words, you're trying to flip your reactions from negative=big, positive=normal or nonexistent to negative=normal, positive=big. (This also works with "normal" kids, btw.)

Now, that doesn't mean that you ignore the behavior. You just deal with the consequences in a matter-of-fact way. Even the extreme of hitting and other violent behaviors are dealt with in a calm manner.

Like I said, I already knew this, but I'd forgotten just how vital it is when dealing with kids on the spectrum. The flip-flop in reactions is going to be my focus this week and I'll let you know how it turns out.